Assuaged

It,s a rare day that I write this trash from a state other than the long one that I call home, but today is one of those days. I,m in a very dry airport right now. I don,t know if it,s dry because it,s in an extremely martian looking desert or because everything that has to do with flying is always super dry. That,s how they like it. Moisture clouds the minds of the pilots. It makes them weak.

I just sat next to one of the most pungent people I have ever been forced to sit next to. It was unreal. I cannot believe that somebody with working senses and a brain would ever douse themselves in so much noxious fume water. What a bad idea. On top of smelling like the inside of a cologne bottle that a fourteen year old bought, he was also drooling hearty mouthfuls of thick, brown slime into an emptied ketchup bottle. He was chewing tobacco leaves and noisily spitting the excess goop into a bottle so he could drink it later.

The Japanese House - Clean Apparently, this airport doesn,t have free Wi-Fi. It,s either that or I,m an idiot and can,t figure out how to make the internet happen. Either way, I,m blasting through my phone,s data to do this. I,m finally putting it to good use. I use so little of it ever month that I feel like I,m just throwing almost the entirety of the money that I use to pay my phone bill in the trash. Not this time, though. This time I,m using the money to pay for data that I,m using right now to write some truly important literature.

I have to wait another hour or so before I get to sit on another plane for a few hours. I think I may try to scour this sad place and look for the cheapest food possible while I wait. I,d love to spend three dollars or less because that is the amount of money that I have with me. I spent my other seven dollars earlier this morning at a different airport. I bought a small bag of grease. I had grease for breakfast.

The First Day Of Wintear

I,m working from home right now and it,s dumb because I don,t like working when I,m at home, but it,s cool because I only have to work for two more hours and then I don,t need to work again for about two weeks. I,m sure I,ll make the most of my time by spending money that I don,t have and napping several times each day to make time go by faster so I can go to bed.

I also plan on looking at several large lizards. I,m going to a part of the country where lizards roam freely and without consequence for a few days. When I,m there I will likely do much of the same thing, except I,ll be near lizards. I will also probably sweat much more than I will at home. That,s what happens when I travel. I sweat.

Worker Bee- Worker Bee I went to a strange party the other night. It was strange because everybody there knew each other except for me. I only knew one person. Everybody was screaming and eating cookies and I didn,t do either of those things. I was super tired and hadn,t eaten that day so I was in a really great mood and I,m sure everybody could tell. I know exactly why people don,t invite me to parties and I absolutely do not blame them. I am the worst.

Christmas is happening in a couple of days. That,ll probably be cool. I usually spend Christmas alone in the dark in my apartment watching a sad movie in silence and if things go the way they will, I,m pretty sure that will be happening again this year. I,m ready for it. I,m ready to bum myself out by watching something terrible happen to somebody in a movie. That,s what Christmas is all about. That,s why Christ was born.

The Delicate Man

I finally got sick. It feels like it,s been so long. I,ve spent the entire year almost being sick and this past week I finally mustered up the courage to really commit and be sick. It wasn,t that fun. I am the weakest, ugliest baby when I get even a little bit congested. Luckily, it gave me a pseudo-legitimate reason to skip work for the first time ever. That was cool. I now understand why people do that sometimes.

I think I,m done being sick now. It lasted for one week. I think that,s fair. I think that,s plenty long to let some weird virus or bacteria or parasite or whatever live inside of my slimy body. I don,t know what I did to kill it. Maybe they just have week-long lifespans. Maybe it was the constant barrage of beautiful orange spheres that I,ve been shoveling into my body. Either way, I am the victor and to the victor go the spoils. I,m not sure what the spoils are in this case. I guess me continuing to live is the spoil.

White Rainbow - New Clouds I got myself a pretty cool Christmas tree the other day. It seemed like it was too early to get a Christmas tree. There are still two weeks until the big day. It looks nice in my apartment, but I was right. The low quality bush that I bought is already turning brown and dropping needles like a blind seamstress. It,s dropping needles and a compass maker with delirium tremens. It,s dropping needles like a cheap Christmas tree that is in my living room.

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band finished making our record a little while ago and we sent it to the record label for their approval and they haven,t said a word. It,s been over a week. I think they,re probably just trying to come up with the nicest way to tell us that they want nothing to do with it, but I don,t think it should take that long. All they need to say is, ,,Sorry, but we want nothing to do with it.,, That,s the nicest way to say it.

Back

I finally got into a car accident the other day. It wasn,t that fun. It wasn,t that fun because I,ll probably have to buy a new car even sooner than I thought because of it and I,ll probably have to pay more for insurance every six months. Also, the inside of my car is now filling up with what smells like poisonous gas every time I drive anywhere. Maybe I,ll just drive my car into a river and get a moped. That seems like the sensible thing to do.

I think the car accident was my punishment for being so gluttonous during Thanksgiving. The punishment fit the crime. I will continue to be a hog and I will continue to smash into cars that don,t belong to me. That is the circle of life and I have no intention of deviating.

Floating Points - Elaenia To celebrate my misfortune, I have been spending an incredible amount of money the past few days. Christmas will be here in just a few short weeks and it,s my job to trick everybody I know into talking to me for another year so I have to buy them things and things cost so much money. I figure that I might as well spend it now before I have to empty my bank account when my insurance goes up.

To celebrate even more, I think I,m going to buy a real, old fashioned Christmas style tree and watch it die in my living room over the next month. That sounds fun. Hopefully it,ll be carrying a bunch of spider nests and the thousands of eggs will hatch just in time to ruin the world,s most famous birthday.