Continuous Reminders

I got so sick the other day. I took a bunch of days off of work to go have fun with my friends and I immediately got very sick. I should have seen it coming. The intense mixture of eating only trash, barely sleeping, expending way too much energy, and breathing only farts for several days straight could hardly have brought about a positive outcome.

I think the thing that really turned me into a sick, whiny baby was spending an evening inside of a rotting, dirty punk filled house. Those are some of my least favorite places to be. The walls were wet. The people all exhaled sticky mouthfuls of smoke in my pretty face. Everybody only yelled. They only yelled about things that didn,t matter. There were wet animals everywhere. It was a very bad situation. Not only did it wreak havoc on my innards, it also made me wildly uncomfortable in my brain.

Harold Budd - Avalon Sutra The crown jewel of the evening is when a toilet overflowed and began dumping filthy slime water through the floor into the basement. This generally wouldn,t concern me since it wasn,t my house and I don,t spend much time in basements, but this particular evening, I was supposed to spend a significant amount of time in that wet tomb. I did my best to stay out of the drip zone, but of course, with a complete lack of light and inconsiderate patrons, I received a healthy, lemon-sized drop of diarrhea juice right on my head and neck and ear.

I guess I,m lucky that I,m not in the hospital or morgue yet, but I am still a giant wimp so this simple cold has made me feel and act like I am about to die. What I really learned from this experience is that I am simultaneously too old and too young to deal with gross punkers.

A Huge Gap

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band is going to drive around and play a few shows this weekend. We almost never do that because we,re not a real band. We,re going to pretend that we are for a little while, though. We,re going to cram our tender bodies into a van with four other people and get dirty and annoyed with each other and then play music in empty rooms for no money all while spending a ton of our own on gas and food and transportation. It is such a stupid, expensive hobby.

To prepare for this trip, I cut my own hair at one in the morning the other night. It was scary and exhausting, but at least my head looks like a normal head now. I think I messed up the back, but I can,t be totally sure because I can,t see it that well even when I,m using two mirrors. Whatever. The deed is done and I no longer have disgusting, long, curly hairs tickling the inside of my ear like some sort of wild ivy vine.

White Suns - Totem My apartment building is being worked on. Specifically, the apartment right next to mine is being worked on. It sounds like they are cutting cement blocks with chainsaws over there all day. Luckily, my walls are extremely thin so I have an aural front row seat. I found out last night that the plumbers have to go into my apartment and do something under my sink today and tomorrow and they don,t know when or for how long. That means that I can,t masturbate while standing in front of my front door like I normally do. I guess we all have to make sacrifices sometimes, though.

This is my last day of work before having ten days off. Some of those days will be spent in the van in other states while other days will be spent at an optometrist,s office because I am sure that my eyesight is getting bad and that I need glasses. Everything far away is blurry and it,s terrifying. Also, a muscle in my face has been twitching all day and if they can,t fix that, then I,m not going to pay them.

Necessary

I know what day it is. It,s the most important day of the year. It,s three eleven day. It,s the day where all bass guitars are fretless and all rock songs have rap verses in them and anybody named Amber gets to drink Mexican beer for free. It,s a great day. Everybody is twelve years old again. All wallets have chains connected to them and all feet are bare.

To celebrate this amazing day, I went to the hospital and sat in a room with smelly people. I disliked all of them except for three. I liked the old lady who looked dignified and sort of mad. I liked the old man who had a beard and looked blankly in front of him the whole time. I liked how sad and disinterested he looked, but what really won me over is that he took the time to retrieve a tissue from his pocket and used it to cover his mouth while he coughed. He was a king among men. The other person I liked wasn,t really a person I liked. She was the only other young person in there. She was kind of pretty and fat which was cool, but that,s not what I liked about her. I liked that she was dressed like it was twelve years ago. She wore a very tight shirt with some tattoo company on it and tight jeans that flared slightly above her Converse All Stars. I liked that she had no idea that she was an adult.

Tangled Hair - First My least favorite person was the man who stole my blood. I had to present my driver,s license at the front desk and then again when I went to see a doctor. They really want you to be who you say you are. The lady at the desk accepted me for who I am without any problems. She wasn,t there to judge. She just wanted to do her job and go home and ignore her husband and child. The doctor, on the other hand, was incredibly skeptical. He immediately made the comment that my hair looks different in my driver,s license picture than it does now. I told him that I had had a haircut in the past twelve years. He asked me what my birthday was and I told him and he seemed satisfied. Then, he started milking my veins. As the blood was flowing from my warm innards into the cold, harsh world, he asked me how old I was. He was quizzing me. He was already taking my precious fluids and he still didn,t really believe that I was me.

He filled one tube with my marinara and then started to fill another. Once that one was filled, he yanked the needle out of my body and threw it in the trash. He taped a cotton ball to me and then asked me my middle initial. He was finished draining my body of its life force and he was still grilling me. I looked at his chest to see if his fancy doctor,s cloak had his name embroidered on it, but it only said ,,Alabama.,, I don,t think that that,s his last name. I should have asked what it was so I could report him for being a maniac. I should have asked for his identification. I should have asked when he was born and then told him that he had a stupid birthday.

In My Face

Each morning when I wake up, I don,t know what day it is. If I wake up late, I am terrified that I am missing work. If I wake up early, I am angry that I got up early even though I don,t have to work. My brain is falling apart and I don,t know what to do about it. I tried using a new pillow to see if that would make my brain more comfortable while I sleep and therefore less stupid, but it,s only been one night so I can,t tell. The pillow is huge though. It,s so full. I like how hard it is, but there is too much of it. I,m going to have to look up some pillow mods.

I think the main reason I never know what day it is anymore is because I keep having to go into work on my scheduled days off. Last week I got called in twice. That was insane. One of the calls was at six forty-five in the morning which is fifteen minutes before the shift starts. It was raining and I smelled like farts and gasoline because I didn,t have time to shower.

Gavin Bryars - Hommages I really need a haircut. Maybe that has something to do with my lack of understanding when it comes to time, but I doubt it. I just know that I look like a stupid twelve year old and my head is twice the size that it should be with all of my disgusting, frizzy hair all over it. I,ve been thinking about cutting it myself. I haven,t paid to have it cut in ten or fifteen years and I don,t really want to start now. It would be too difficult to explain to some guy holding scissors that I want him to cut everything short while still covering up my receding hairline. I don't think he would know what I meant if I asked him to make me look like a gay German cop. Only I know what that means.

I,m sure I would be able to cut the top and front and maybe even most of the sides, but the back would be really difficult. It,s not because I wouldn,t be able to see. I would. I have two mirrors and I,m pretty good and turning and twisting. The difficult part is understanding that I would be looking at a reflection of a reflection and trying to remember if left means left and right means right when it,s being reflected that many times. That,s the challenge. The other challegne is trying to remember what day it is.