It Aches

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band had our first real record come out today. That,s pretty neat. I haven,t even seen the album. I guess I,m not one hundred percent sure that it,s not all a big joke yet. The pictures I,ve seen could be fake. You can fake pretty much anything these days. I recently gave somebody some of my pee so he could fake his way into a job that required him not to be addicted to drugs.

I feel like a fat, greasy baby right now for very strange reasons. There is absolutely nothing wrong. Things are very nice and I am happy and I am going to get to eat a cool sandwich in about an hour, but I still feel like a warm turd. I,m pretty sure it,s because I recently enjoyed myself too much. I had too much fun and did too many good things all within a short period of time so now that I,m back to having a good time rather than an excellent time, things don,t feel as cool.

Nicolas Jaar - Nymphs II I guess that,s why people keep doing drugs after the first time. That first rip of the bong is so intense that you spend the rest of your adolescence looking for that same, smelly high. That just proves that happiness and satisfaction and comfort are all drugs and they should all be outlawed.

If it were up to me, happiness would only be available with a prescription. Possession of illegal happiness would be punishable by strict fines and/or jail time. Trafficking happiness could get you up to thirty years. Repeat offenders would be shot in the streets. Happiness would cost millions of dollars and would only be available to the world,s wealthiest, ugliest elite.

Staying Inside

I,m working from home right now. I don,t really like working from home. I don,t like getting yelled at on my own couch. What I do like is getting paid to eat cereal. I haven,t done that in a while. I mean, I did it a few minutes ago, but I hadn,t done it in a while before then. I also like getting paid to shower the poop off of my body after an especially gnarly turd session as well as getting paid to take small naps.

If I do a push-up today, that means that I,ll be getting paid while I do it which means that I will be a professional push-upper. A professional work outer? What is that called? I,ll be a professional body builder. I plan on spending much of my day trying to figure out new things I can do while getting paid.

Sam Amidon - Folkadelphia Session Maybe I,ll watch a movie. I don,t think I,ve ever been paid to do that. I can finally put my useful, practical degree to use. My dad will be so proud. He won,t be proud if I explain to him exactly why I was getting paid while watching a movie, but the details aren,t necessary and anybody who isn,t me is constantly on a need to know basis with all information that I have in my wounded brain.

Maybe I,ll try to go through everything I own and figure out which things I need and which I don,t. Then, I,ll throw away everything I don,t need or want while getting paid. That,s how I,ll become a professional garbage man. I don,t need the city to hire me. I can throw away my own precious memories while I,m on the clock.

Just A Few Days

There is a big fence outside of my apartment. Half of it is made of sheets of corrugated metal and the other half is made out of normal wood. The normal wood side is on the ground now. Two guys wearing hats knocked it down the other day and now they are just a few feet from (alliteration) my front door smashing on the pile with hammers. I haven,t observed their activities enough to know if they,re rebuilding or repairing the fence, but it doesn,t really matter to me. There is still a bunch of tall plants growing where the fence was so it,s sort of like a fence right now anyway.

Yesterday I spent some time in a very small, damp room after I got off of work. It was a doctor,s office, but not really. It was a free doctor,s office which meant that everything was cramped and smelled weird. I went to go get some of my blood and pee taken away because I like making professionals deal with my fluids. They are very educated toilets. I provide them with my unneeded liquids and they take them out of my sight.

Laaraji - Essence/Universe The waiting room there was so wild. It was like a prison cell. I,ve never been in a cell, but I,ve seen that episode of MythBusters where they test a bunch of myths about prison and it shows some cells so I have a pretty good idea of what they,re like. That,s what it was like yesterday. It was small and there was bulletproof glass and the giant beanbag chair of a woman who was dragging a broken stroller full of a small person wearing a diaper full of poop had tattoos that could have only been administered by an inebriated stranger while the guards weren,t looking.

While I was there, a woman siphoned blood out of two different parts of my body and quickly took it out of the room. I guess they,re supposed to do that so you don,t get attached to the blood and try to get it back from them. That was fine by me, though. I didn,t want that blood. I only like my blood when it,s inside of me. Once it,s free, I want nothing to do with it.

White Squares

The past two days were so long. Today was a normal length, but I mean the two days before that. They were long. I had to work from seven AM until six PM each day. That doesn,t seem that nuts as I,m typing it because it,s not even a full twelve hours each day and children used to have to work that much every day in the factory mines. Times were different back then, though. I think hours were shorter, maybe. Was an hour only forty minutes long at one point?

The first long day was annoying because I had to do actual work the whole time. Generally, I only have to do actual work one or two hours per day. That day was selfish though so I ended up working for at least nine hours. I can,t believe there are people who go to work and work the whole time every day. I don,t know if they are suckers or if I am a baby, but I would much rather be a baby.

Toro Y Moi - What For? The second day was less annoying and also more annoying. I was less annoying because I didn,t work as much and I also got an incredible amount of free Mexican food to celebrate the fact that a measly two thousand Mexican soldiers once killed a pompous eight thousand French guys. That part was great even though half of the sandwich I got tasted like a fish and it shouldn,t have. The annoying part came after than when I left work to go straight to practice with my Death Cab For Cutie cover band. That meant that I didn,t get home until nine and by then, I was little more than a withered husk. To be fair, I am generally little more than a withered husk, but I was a tired husk as well.

I also got a new pair of glasses and since I am poor and cheap, I bought them online and I haven,t been to an optometrist in fifty years so the prescription is probably wrong so I think the rays of light passing through the glasses and entering my head are slowly boiling my brain.