Trying Not To Ruin

My throat is so weird right now. I might be sick, but I don,t really think so. I just think that my throat is being weird. Throats are the least-understood part of the human anatomy. A lot of doctors and professionals will tell you that it,s the brain, but it,s really the throat. It,s so close, yet so far away. We may never fully understand its intricacies and secrets. I am fine with that. I don,t like my throat and I don,t want to know it any better than I already do.

It doesn,t feel like a normal sore throat. It just feels dry all the time. Breathing through my giant nose hurts it. Breathing through my mouth is difficult because I am not a genetic moron. It is a tough situation. I have to sleep with my head under the covers because I have found that that creates a lot of warm air and that makes the stabbing sensation seem less intense.

Lesser, Matmos, Wobbly - Simultaneous Quodlibet I don,t know what to do while I am awake, though. I try to gargle mouthwash and that makes me want to die and throw up. I try to gargle salt water and that makes me want to die and throw up. I made soup today because that is the only medicine I can afford and am willing to take. The celery for the soup only cost ten cents. That was pretty awesome. I could have paid for it with a dime, but I used a credit card instead. I thought that was the grown up thing to do.

Another grown up thing to do is to not have very much money. I know that because I am a grown up and I don,t have very much money. I guess anything I do is a grown up thing to do in that way. Driving long distances is a grown up thing to do. Watching television shows that you don,t like is a grown up thing to do. Using commas rather than apostrophes is a grown up thing to do.

Pearls

My Death Cab For Cutie cover band has been playing shows for the past few days. It,s bizarre. We never do that. We usually play one show ever nine weeks. We have played four shows and we have two more and I feel like I should not play music because I am weak and tired and gross and my voice doesn,t work anymore. I guess that,s the price you pay for being dumb and having childish hobbies. I should give up music and get really into firecrackers. I wonder if there are handmade, boutique firecrackers - artisanal firecrackers.

The show we played last night was at a disgusting frozen box. It was a punk diarrhea chamber that was being used illegally. I don,t think anybody owned it. It was full of pooping dogs and dreadlocked morons. Somebody stepped in a very large, slimy piece of human poop outside. The inside of the building smelled like a mix of molding rugs and malnourished farts and dead animals and thousands of bugs. It wasn,t good.

Matmos - The Marriage Of True Minds The floor was made out of a mix of particle board and quarter inch think plywood which seemed to be built over a very deep pit. There were several holes which lead down into the abyss and many spots were worryingly bouncy when you stepped on them. There was a lot of give if you put your weight on certain boards. I wonder how many corpses are under that building.

Everybody there seemed confused and dirty and thirsty. There were a lot of leather jackets and flea-covered fabrics. I don,t want to say that it was my least favorite place I have ever played, but it was undeniably gross. I was terrified of things crawling up my pant legs all night. In retrospect, I should have tucked my pants into my socks to make a sort of barrier. I am going to do that all the time from now on. I don,t want bugs crawling into my body via my genital opening.

No More Space

I am getting pretty tired of eating apples. That,s all I,ve been doing lately. I started out eating really gross apples and that was horrible. Now I,m eating kind of good apples, but it,s still not that fun. I don,t like eating apples because biting them sucks. The skin always gets in between my teeth and becomes razor sharp and cuts my sweet, little gums. I hate it. My mouth fills with blood and it makes the apples taste even worse.

That means that I have to cut apples and eat them in pieces which makes me feel like an old man or a baby - two things that I hate. That,s not true. I only hate one of those things. Cutting the apples is annoying though. A food that is that boring should require no preparation. I should be able to eat the entire thing in one bite and not make any mess and still receive all nutritional benefits. Unfortunately, that,s just not the case.

D,Angelo - Voodoo The only upside of eating one thousand apples a day is that I finally have an excuse to use the stupid knife that I have kept in my backpack since high school. The only other time I can remember using it was when I was at a park when I was a kid and I used the screwdriver part to take a sign off of a post. Talk about punk. Nothing is more punk than taking down a sign from a pole and probably throwing it away or something. I don,t remember what I did with the sign. I may have been taking it down for a friend. I don,t know. All I can remember is how much I don,t like eating apples.

Cutting Things

I just opened this up to write one of these stupid things and now I have to poop. Let,s see if I can make it through all of this without having to take a turd break. I bet I can. I,m pretty good about holding waste in my body. I wouldn,t say that I have any records or anything, but I sometimes like to challenge myself with things like that. Nope, I am going to go poop right now. You should take a break from reading this for a few minutes to simulate what it was just like for me to take a break for a few minutes from writing this. This is just turning into another poop log. I already have one of those. I do not need another.

The kitchen at my work is being remodeled so I don,t have a place to cook anything when I,m there. I also still don,t have very much money. It,s not a good combination. Today I went to the store to buy a loaf of bread with quarters so I would have something to eat. I eat bread and water. That,s not abnormal for me, but usually I eat it in other shapes like pasta or crackers or biscuits. I don,t normally eat bread in biscuit form. That was a lie.

John Coltrane - Coltrane,s Sound Last night at work I didn,t eat anything. I watched a barely-funny television show in place of nutrients. That,s what kept me going. I think I watched five episodes and laughed twice. That is a really bad ratio for a show that is billed as a comedy. That,s probably a standard ratio. That,s probably a current season of The Simpsons ratio. Yikes.

I am worried that somebody is going to complain about seeing me eat huge chunks of bread while I,m at work. There is no dedicated eating space at my job so I do it at the front desk for the whole world to see. I,m sure I look like a maniac. Nobody eats cantaloupe-sized pieces of French bread without the accompaniment of anything. I am also scared that somebody is going to complain about the super noisy music I,m playing right now. Bread and jazz are a bit too risky for this place. I need to get a job at a bread and jazz factory.