Dresses Really Well

I think I just heard gunshots. ,,Gunshots,, looks like it should be two words to me, but it was not underlined with a red squiggly line when I wrote it so that,s how it will stay. They could have been gunshots or early April Fool,s Day fireworks. Both of those options make exactly the same amount of sense to me right now. I didn,t have to work today so my brain is weird.

The other day I decided to drive a thousand miles. It,s mostly because of that song, A Thousand Miles, but it,s also because it was weird and fun and I had a few days off from work and my friend had to go five hundred miles away and I just got new tires so I needed to test them to make sure I didn,t get ripped off and I wanted to drive through a town called Weed.

It was fun. It was a pretty spur of the moment thing. A plane ticket had to get cancelled and a hamburger had to get eaten extra quickly, but I think those two sacrifices were worth it. The highlight of the trip was not the depressing meal I had at Subway by myself in some small, southern Oregon town. It was that I got to spend the night in a deserted dorm. Nobody was there except my friend and I. I slept on a small couch that looked like it would be in a boat and I used a brightly colored blanket. It was the perfect temperature in that room. I appreciated that.
Bad Tits - Garbage Nights EP
I wanted to use the school,s internet while I was there on my iPod but I couldn,t figure out how to set it up. I told my friend and he said he would do it so he took my iPod and then I remembered that I keep several pages of pornography open on the web browser on there at all times so I got embarrassed and took it back and told him that I had pornography on there and that I didn,t want him to see it. For some reason it seemed like it was less embarrassing to tell him about it then for him to see for himself. It makes less sense now, but I,m glad it went down the way it did because then we got to talk about how it,s embarrassing when people see remnants of you looking at naked people on your computer. It,s a constant struggle.

The drive back was nice. I listened to an audiobook about a bug. I know what you,re thinking, ,,Oh, this jerk listened to the audiobook version of A Bug,s Life.,, Well, the joke,s on you because I don,t even think that exists, idiot. You,re an idiot.

MIDI

I wonder what the most personal thing I have ever written on here is. I don't know that I've ever even given my name. There is a name at the bottom of every one of these, but that could be fake for all you know. Maybe I,ve written really personal stuff on here thinking that anybody that reads this won,t ever know who I am. I don,t remember. I could put my address and phone number and social security number and credit card number and blood type on here and it wouldn,t matter because nobody would ever see it.

Every so often I,ll look at the ,,Stats,, for this website. It shows me what people search to find it and what countries people live in and probably other stuff but I don,t know how to use anything. Let,s have a look and see if I have good stats this year. I need to get my average up from last year. I want a trading card with my weird face on it that has my website stats on the back.
Taxi Taxi! - Still Standing At Your Back Door
Well, I was right. Nobody really looks at this. I,m talking to myself. There is a graph and it,s all very minor peaks and troughs and then there is a huge spike in an hour where it got a bunch of views. That was probably me. I don,t know. I wonder if this is uninteresting to read as it is to write.

Some of the words people have searched to find Bline are pretty good. The big ones this week were Menstruation Sex, Thongs And Bongs, Bongs And Thongs, Horse Pictures With Bible Verse, and Women Punching Each Other. Those all make sense to me. All of those things are cornerstones in my writing. They are themes that have come up time and time again for me. I deal a lot with those issues. Horse Picture With Bible Verse is a good thing to search on the internet.

Fry Sauce Factory

Last night I went out to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate Saint Patrick,s Day. It was almost completely empty in there. There were only four or five other people with my friend and I. It was quiet the whole time until about the last ten minutes. An older couple sitting across the room from us started making gross noises. Actually, it was just the gross man who was making gross noises. His wife or sister or friend or slightly younger daughter or female cousin sat silent and dumb.

The guy started rhythmically clearing his throat. It would be two short bursts in quick succession followed by twenty or thirty seconds of silence. If there,s one thing I hate, it is repeated bodily sounds. I tried to ignore it the best I could so I wouldn,t have a meltdown. I figured that maybe he had lung cancer or something so he deserved to be able to clear his throat. But even if he had lung cancer, he probably did it to himself by smoking or being a coal miner on purpose. The only way he could get away with making such wet, sticky, choking cough sounds over and over was if he accidentally got lung cancer and the doctors had no idea why.

Sam Amidon & Aaron Siegel - Fiddle And Drum
Eventually I couldn,t stand to hear his gooey mucus blasting any more so I started loudly mimicking him like any adult would do. I hoped it would embarrass him or at least let him know that everybody in the entire world thought he was gross, but he didn,t stop. I thought that was so disrespectful of him. How dare he hear me rudely cough back at him and not do anything about it? He didn,t even make any snide comments or give me any mean looks. That guy was a jerk.

What,s really freaking me out is that there is a lady near me right now who is doing the same thing. It,s making me go crazy and throw up. I,m worried that she is either

A) His wife and she recognizes me from last night and she,s trying to punish me for being rude to her ugly husband

B) A psychic and she can hear my brain as I write this so she knows what I don,t like and she,s punishing me for being rude to that ugly guy

C) Just gross

No matter what the reason, I think being grossed out by old peoples, throat sounds is the real meaning of Saint Patrick,s Day.

Bad Posture

Bline Zogazine disappeared for a day or two. I,m sure nobody noticed. It took me a while to notice. I guess the stupid domain name expired. I had to buy another one. It,s embarrassing to admit that I pay money to write this thing. I could do it for free. I did it for free for several years. I am an idiot. Nobody would care if this went away. I wouldn,t care. I,m not even reading what I,m writing right now.

The only thing that this website is good for is for me to see the last time I was sick. I think I generally mention when I am sick on here. That is such an unimportant detail to include when I write these things. I guess that,s kind of a thing though. I write all of the unimportant, boring stuff and keep the good stuff that,s still not very good in my brain.

I think I,m getting sick right now. What I mean by that is that I am sick right now. I also have to pee right now because I am making myself drink at least one bottle of water each hour because I heard a rumor that water and pee makes you better. Apparently keeping your pee tube clean and well hydrated is an integral part of recovering form almost any illness.

Hymie,s Basement - Hymie,s Basement
I think I just have a normal cold because my body likes those. I,m usually only feel sick in my face when I catch something. That means that my poop and puke schedules remains unchanged. But, my stomach will normally hurt when I am sick because I force myself to eat a ton of food. I figure that food is fuel for the rocket ships in my head that fight the illegal aliens that have climbed through my nose and are attacking my brain. The more the fuel the rocket ships have, the faster they can round up the aliens and ship them back to Puerto Rico where they belong. I don,t know if anything I just wrote is racist, but it could be.

I started making wine the other day. I started making it before that too. I made my own wine out of frozen grape juice and sugar and baker,s yeast. I made it in a dirty plastic bottle. I don,t know if it,s good. I didn,t have any, but some of my friends did and they got drunk but not sick so mission accomplished. They said it didn,t taste very good, but who cares about that.

I made almost a gallon of it and it looked and smelled gross. I started making another gallon yesterday because I like wasting my money and it teaches me about science and I like the idea of having my own winery under my kitchen sink that constantly produces incredibly low quality alcohol. Also, a friend of mine is coming to visit soon and I wanted to have a gift for him. It,s the perfect gift. It,s cheap, easy, gross, and I made it myself. I am going to pee. I peed.