I Am Getting Tired

Tomorrow I have to spend the night at work. I have never done that before because sleeping in this place is gross and sometimes people wake up covered in bugs. I don't want that to be me. I am terrified of things that can make me itch. The only reason I am doing it is because I recently spent all of the money I have ever earned and I will be getting paid to sleep.

I have to work the morning after I stay there so it'll be like a sixteen hour long shift. I think I,ll try and stay up all night so I can be crazy the next day. Maybe I,ll sleep on the foosball table. I think I,ll put all of the sheets in the dryer before I go to bed so it,ll kill all of the bugs and make for extra comfortable sleeping arrangements. I also think it might be nice to shout intermittently throughout the night to worry other guests. They wouldn,t be quick little bursts of noise. I would want them to be long, sustained, flat shouts that lasted between eight and fifteen seconds each. They would sound like I was saying the word ,,ball,, for a long time. If anybody complains to my boss I can just tell him that I have chronic night terrors.

Tex Ritter - Blood On The Saddle
I don,t really have chronic night terrors. I rarely remember any of my dreams. I like to think that all of my dreams can,t be remembered because I fart them out in my sleep. I wonder if my roommate ever hears me farting my dreams out. Probably. Sometimes in the morning, when I,m still in bed, I can hear him farting in the bathroom. Hi Ben.

I remember when he and I were driving somewhere and we were at a stoplight and he was picking his nose. He doesn,t usually care about that stuff because he,s a punk rocker and boogers are just free food anyway. Some girls in a car next to us saw him picking his nose and started flailing their arms and laughing, trying to get his attention to assure him that they had caught him in this shameful, forbidden act. He saw them laughing and mimicking him so he stared them right in the eyes, stuck his finger deep into his nose, and popped it right into his mouth. He makes John Lydon look like a dead baby,s cock tip.