Too Many Weeks

I,m looking up stuff about vasectomies right now. I have wanted to get myself a big gift for a while and I figure that this would be the best gift of all - the ability to smash guilt-free home runs into some poor girl's womb. It would also be a gift for any drugged out girl that accidentally had sex with me. I,m sure no sane person would ever want to be stuck with raising anything that sprung from my loins. I know I wouldn,t. I was reading that some doctors make it difficult for people my age to get the procedure done because they think I would regret it. What a bunch of fools. I would be doing them a favor by having it done. Not only would I be handing them over a big fat bag of one hundred dollar bills, I would be saving them the trouble of

1. Performing an abortion at some later date

2. Having to deliver a ghoul-child

3. Looking at my weird body on an operating table after a failed suicide attempt

4. Looking at some horrible girl's weird body on an operating table after a failed murder attempt

It would be way easier for me if they just let me clip the old wiener wires while I,ve got a few extra dollars sitting around. There is nothing else I would rather spend my tax return on. That,s how Uncle Sam would want things too.

You have to go to at least one counseling session to make sure that you are not out of your mind. I think the key is to tell them how selfish you think having kids is when there are so many colored babies rotting away in urban orphanages. That will probably be the card that I play. I will study up on the role of guy-that-really-likes-to-adopt-stuff. I,ll tell them that I have a bunch of turtles that I adopted. Turtles are probably the closest analogue to babies. What am I thinking? That is so far from the truth. I should say that I have adopted a bunch of autistic diarrhea apes that can,t stop screaming and vomiting because of some weird condition with their voice box. Voice box seems like a pretty archaic term. The doctor might not like that. It,s called a larynx. That will show them that I mean business about the whole thing.

Land Of Talk - Some Are Lakes
You,re supposed to wait twelve weeks or twenty squirts before you blast in a girl without her needing to eat weird hormone pills. Is that the normal rate of sex and/or masturbation for guys? I should probably be embarrassed. Whatever, I,ve got nothing else to do.

I haven,t jerked off at work. I was talking to a friend of mine and I guess it,s weird that I haven,t. A lot of people do it. It probably has to do with the fact that I don,t like my wiener so I don,t want to give it the satisfaction of seeing any new places. The dark, smelly confines of my stained, unwashed underwear is exactly where it deserves to be. It,s clean though. I mean, it doesn,t have any diseases that I know about. Not having sex keeps it that way but every once in a blue moon I meet some girl with really bad judgment or a big charitable heart and she blacks out so I can get to know her a little better. Luckily, I can get the little gnarled oak twig checked out for free thanks to the state of California and Planned Parenthood.

I went there a little over a week ago and I talked to the nice young woman with the bad haircut about how much she gets harassed for working there while she drained my blood to see if I had HIV. She was a sweetheart and I think we really hit it off. I like to think that she was happy for me when she found out that I wasn,t going to die from a dick disease yet. I filled my piss cup to the very top for her. This is going to be a pretty big waste of money.