Be Good

My sweet little real roommate moved out yesterday. He told me two days ago that he was going to and now he is gone forever in Iraq, fighting for my freedom. Thank you. Please keep him in your prayers. He didn,t really move to Iraq. He just moved down the street because he,s a rich bitch now and doesn,t want to live in a little mold box anymore. He wants to live in a bigger, more expensive mold box and be able to have missionary position sex as quietly as his little heart desires. Good for him. I wish him luck on his journey of discovery.

I,m going to miss him but probably not that much because I plan on making a copy of his house key the first chance I get so I can be in his bed when he gets home at night after a twelve hour work day. I think he would like that. I don,t want him getting lonely. I can cook him a steak dinner and wash his feet with my hair and let him hit me every night just like all good couples do.

Nico Muhly - Speaks Volumes
My fake roommate is now transitioning into my real roommate which is quick, easy, convenient and fun. It is the quickest move I have ever seen because all he has to do is move his sleeping bag from the couch in the living room to his new bedroom. In my head he has an insatiable thirst for women. I am very excited to see the constantly rotating cast of beautiful, exotic women he brings home to kiss and/or kill. I don,t really know if he kisses that much. He probably does. He,s a good looking guy and he has tattoos. I think most people get a tattoo each time they kiss somebody pretty and he has quite a few of them. He gets tattoos of everybody he kisses. So far he has kissed a skull, a bird, a knife, a flower, a wing, an Egypt, a branch and some words. He,s doing pretty well for himself.

I hope I can be like him when I grow up. I have never kissed a flower. He skateboards and wears dark clothes and listens to rock and roll and tonight we are having a potluck. We haven,t done that in a long time. I,m making the only thing I know how to make and he is making stuffed peppers, or as he calls them, ,,Raped Mexicans,,. He made those last time we did this and it was a great success. That was at Christmas so maybe they only tasted good because of the holiday spirit that was in the air. I guess we,ll find out tonight. Two other people are making stuff but they are probably just making bags of chips and napkins and soda.

I recently met somebody that calls soda ,,Pop,,. That is never acceptable. I can almost understand if you want to call it soda pop but you should not take the dumb second half of the term. Who wants do drink an onomatopoeic word? Is ,,Queef,, onomatopoeic? Some queefs (queeves?) sound like a hog,s throat being cut.