The other night I went miniature golfing with some of my friends. I spent a good majority of the evening screaming and demanding that people climb into things and throwing my club. I started demeaning those that were playing with me and telling them that they had to be somebody else if they made a hole in one. Everybody ended up being Kurt Loder and Adam Richman.
Being exposed to the elements for that brief period of one night really got my allergies excited. My nose was, and still is running almost constantly. The fluid that is escaping through my dragon-style nostrils is not like the normal stuff that dumps out when I get sick. It is the exact color, flavor, consistency and viscosity of water. It is water. My body is turning into a 1915 New York tenement and my face is a rusted pipe.
James Blake - CMYK
The worst pert about my drippy brain water is that it is the exact temperature of my skin. This means that I can,t always tell if it is dripping down into my mouth. Sometimes I can because it tickles my lip but other times, like when I,m focusing on how pretty the girl is that I have tricked into letting me look at her, I don,t notice it and it can make for weird situation. My nose juice dripped onto a girl the other night is what I am trying to say. She acted like it wasn,t a big deal but it totally was. Nobody wants any fluid that I have produced anywhere near them.
I accidentally cut my hair really, really short. I have been toying with the idea of committing suicide because I now know how far my hairline has receded. I look like a forty-something Jewish guy but with a smaller wiener and much less control over major media outlets. I don,t know if that was directed at somebody in particular but it sure was racist. The plus side to having almost no hair is that it makes wigs look much more realistic. I am going to start cycling through my grocery bag of old women,s hairpieces. I have enough to have a new, great head of hair everyday for about two weeks before I have to repeat. I just need something to cover up my chronic high forehead acne.
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