Expensive Evening

I was sort of relying on there being free food at work today. People come here and leave their food that is bad or about to go bad and I usually eat it if I can. Today there is only a thing of cottage cheese, a bottle of Ragu and a half of a bottle of some kind of tea. I believe the Native Americans made a paste by mixing these three ingredients and then fried it into a sort of ceremonial cake on a hot rock using deer fat as a cooking agent. I would be interested in trying this but we all know that Ragu is the very worst of all pasta-style sauces. It,s the Domino,s Pizza of tomato sauce.

Interestingly enough, Domino,s does not use Ragu as their sauce of choice. They actually crush fresh, vine ripened tomatoes using employees, small and large intestines. They then proudly dump their holdings onto a freshly baked, seasoned crust. I just looked up Domino,s tomato sauce to try and quote something but it was really hard to find a company write up about their sauce or their pizza in general. I did find that the tomato sauce has chicken bones in it though. That,s pretty cool. A whole chicken skeleton is ground into every pizza.

Scrateboard - Holiday Spirituals
I am going to have to eat ramen or penne pasta with olive oil like I do almost everyday that I work. I guess it,s my fault for being a moron and never bringing anything different to eat, but I like to blame others for not knowing that I,m an idiot and leaving me food scraps. Luckily, there has been free breakfast food at work everyday for the past month due to the fact that my work started serving breakfast. We set out a plate of bruised, wooden apples and and some stale English muffins with warm tubes of cream cheese and strawberry jam that I scoop back into the jar if people don,t finish it. I cook up two English muffins each morning and rub some butter on there. It,s whatever.

The best part about breakfast is scooping the crumb-filled jam back into the jar. I hate jam and I really don,t like getting my hands sticky but I always make sure to ,,accidentally,, stick my thumb into the spoonful that I,m putting back in the jar if people are watching me. It lets them know that they are valued customers and that their satisfaction is my biggest priority.