Last night I went out to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate Saint Patrick,s Day. It was almost completely empty in there. There were only four or five other people with my friend and I. It was quiet the whole time until about the last ten minutes. An older couple sitting across the room from us started making gross noises. Actually, it was just the gross man who was making gross noises. His wife or sister or friend or slightly younger daughter or female cousin sat silent and dumb.
The guy started rhythmically clearing his throat. It would be two short bursts in quick succession followed by twenty or thirty seconds of silence. If there,s one thing I hate, it is repeated bodily sounds. I tried to ignore it the best I could so I wouldn,t have a meltdown. I figured that maybe he had lung cancer or something so he deserved to be able to clear his throat. But even if he had lung cancer, he probably did it to himself by smoking or being a coal miner on purpose. The only way he could get away with making such wet, sticky, choking cough sounds over and over was if he accidentally got lung cancer and the doctors had no idea why.
Sam Amidon & Aaron Siegel - Fiddle And Drum
Eventually I couldn,t stand to hear his gooey mucus blasting any more so I started loudly mimicking him like any adult would do. I hoped it would embarrass him or at least let him know that everybody in the entire world thought he was gross, but he didn,t stop. I thought that was so disrespectful of him. How dare he hear me rudely cough back at him and not do anything about it? He didn,t even make any snide comments or give me any mean looks. That guy was a jerk.
What,s really freaking me out is that there is a lady near me right now who is doing the same thing. It,s making me go crazy and throw up. I,m worried that she is either
A) His wife and she recognizes me from last night and she,s trying to punish me for being rude to her ugly husband
B) A psychic and she can hear my brain as I write this so she knows what I don,t like and she,s punishing me for being rude to that ugly guy
C) Just gross
No matter what the reason, I think being grossed out by old peoples, throat sounds is the real meaning of Saint Patrick,s Day.
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