I shaved for the first time in ten years today. I don,t mean to say I had a big Civil War beard or anything. I would trim my gross hair to the point where it was extremely short very regularly, but I haven,t touched a razor blade to my delicate skin since before it was legal for me to eat cigarettes. That was a long stretch and I immediately remembered why I didn,t shave the moment I started this morning. It was not fun at all.
For reasons that I do not completely understand, I have been considering doing things that I haven,t done in a really long time lately. First, I was considering using text messaging. I haven,t done that yet. That,s a scary one. I,ve also been considering getting a human sized bed. I also haven,t done that yet because I,m not a millionaire. I did succumb to the allure of having no hair on my face, though.
LA Priest - Inji
I even went out and spent an incredible amount of money for somebody as poor as I am on one of those old silver razors that you have to put a single razor blade in because I heard that those are nicer and cheaper in the long run than whatever yellow razors that people buy at gas stations. The joke was on me, though. I dragged that overwhelmingly thin and sharp blade across my tender cheek almost twelve hours ago and my face still feels like I just scrubbed it with grip tape.
It may very well be that I had no idea what I was doing because I absolutely didn,t, but I don,t care. I was hoping that shaving would be easy now that I,m a real adult. It,s not easy. It,s stupid and painful and now my face smells like a locker room because for some reason, the people who make shaving cream think it,s a good idea to add some concentrated fragrance that stinks like an eighth grader. I regret everything I have ever done.
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