Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Bad Food


My Death Cab For Cute cover band played at a grown up house last night. It was weird. The house was in a neighborhood of respectable homes with Christmas lights and cars and families rather than being in an alley where homeless people go to poop. That alley is by my apartment. We call it Poop Alley because there is so many streaks of poop on the wall.

I got there really early because I am an idiot. Nobody was there except the poor host. She was dressed like and adult and they had wine glasses there. That,s how I knew it was a grown up house. We watched Tom Hanks shake his head on television for a while. It was quiet and strange so we left and walked to a store which was extremely bleak and suicidal. They didn,t have any juice.

When we got back, the punkers had begun to arrive. I sat on the couch with some friends and had a nice conversation. There was a guy sitting on a couch across the room who kept jumping into our little talk. He was so excited and about something that seemed not to exist. He was from Ashland, Kentucky. He started by telling us about the records that he kept putting on. Then he would hear somebody say something and start asking questions about it that nobody cared about the answers to. He asked if Brooklyn was near Manhattan just because he liked the idea of words coming out of his mouth. I mentioned to somebody that I had eaten a burrito for lunch and that the restaurant that I went to prepares their burritos on a grill and they serve them flat. The young man from Ashland, Kentucky told me that I had eaten a quesadillia. When I protested he then told me that I had eaten a taco.

Krzysztof Komeda - Astigmatic

Of course, the topic eventually moved to eating horses and he said that if he had it his way, he would eat fish all the time. He kept suggesting things. I couldn,t figure him out. I don,t know if he was weirded out by being around so many people or if he is just like that around anybody. The only glimpse I got into the possible reasoning for his madness was that he mentioned putting half of a can of Mountain Dew in the fridge because he didn,t think that it would be a good idea for him to finish it all. Maybe he has a very low tolerance for sugar or caffeine or carbonation or aluminum and those five ounces really got him going. I can,t be sure. The only thing I am sure of is that I will miss him and I wish I knew his name and phone number and address because he was a rare breed.

Everything broke when we played and we sounded bad and ruined every song. There was a group of three young girls sitting in a hallway texting as we played. They had the right idea.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Organizing Photographs

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I am so out of my mind tired right now. I stayed up so late last night. Later than anybody has ever stayed up before. Now I,m at work and everything looks blurry and my eyes feel like dirty raisins. My head feels like it is three quarters full of water so if I tilt it to one side at all it just falls over.

I went to the store today specifically to get some cash back. I didn,t even have anything I wanted to buy. I bought a couple of orange juices because (I just fell asleep for a second)I,m sure that this awesome sleep schedule is going to give me the worst diarrhea-flu ever. I can,t wait. Of course I didn't remember to get cash back and I was too embarrassed to do anything about it so I went home and threw my orange juices away. Then I realized that I left my house key in the apartment. I just sat in the dumb car that I'm borrowing and thought about the sweet sleep of suicide. Turns out my roommate was home so he let me in and I haven,t killed myself yet.

My roommate got a giant pack of toilet paper last Christmas and we are finally down to our last two rolls. We both decided that we,re going to try and make them last a full year so we,re trying to poop at work or just wipe our holes with all of the junk mail we get.
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Gorge Trio - Open Mouth, O Wisp

Somebody destroyed my car the other day. They filled the gas tank with milk and I didn,t get the upgrade when I bought my car that allows it to run on a dairy/petroleum mixture. It,s my fault really. I should have planned ahead. There are so many suspects. I have made so many people mad and I have known so many crazy beasts. Now, I,m not pointing fingers at anybody, but some weirdos get really mad if you get tired of them trying to poison you and watch you sleep. Hi. How,s school this semester?

My nice old dad took my car to some shop and they drained the milk. They milked it, as it were. Much of it had turned to cheese and some of it had turned to butter. Luckily, the repairs won,t set me back too much because there is quite the thriving market for petroleum-based cheeses. All I had to do was take that bag of soft, brown curd down to the local farmer,s market and in about two hours I had almost six hundred dollars. Not bad for my first cheese sale.