Where Is My Vocoder?

I hate those videos and books and pamphlets and notes written in blood about conspiracy theory stuff. You know, stuff like George Bush is really the gecko from those insurance commercials and the wind from the World Trade Center falling created Hurricane Katrina. I hate that stuff and the stuff where people, when they,re in high school or dumb college or something, talk about how Thanksgiving was really just a swap meet where the pilgrims gave the Reds small pox blankets and taught them about the receiving end of rape and slavery. They say it like a big surprise or that you,ve been so duped your whole life for thinking that having dinner with your family is rad.

Michael Cashmore - Sleep England
In the spirit of hating idiots that try to get one over on you for liking anything, I looked up a short history of Valentine,s day a little bit ago in hopes of finding similar paranoid, anarcho-punk, idiot ramblings. Instead, I found out that Valentine,s day was created over a million years ago by those dudes that wear funny white hats. I forget if it was the Popes or the Klan. But one of them made it up in honor of some guy that may have been named Valentino that got killed in Africa once for some possibly-unknown reason and was buried in February. Dumb. And don,t even get me started on how the word February is spelled. Or that gross, red, cock-sauce, Sriracha. I don,t think anybody says it like that. They all say Surratcha.

I like that I,m sort of acting like Mister Sanctimonious riding my high horse up the stairs of my ivory tower to put a shinier silver spoon in my mouth when I just found out that there was that first R in there like a month ago.