Art Gallery

Last night my Death Cab For Cutie cover band played a show. We don,t really play shows very often because we are terrible, nobody wants to see us play, we are too lazy to practice, Kenny is a roofer, drugs, turmoil, Obama, etc. Normal ,,band stuff,,. I was rude enough to ask this other band if we could barge onto the show they had already set up at really short notice. They were way too nice and they let us play and we ruined everything because we aren,t good and Dick-String was really late because he is sick and had to play a different show with his real band. They just had stickers made.

People were acting pretty weird last night and doing things like listening to us a little and taking our free scratched blank compact discs that we leave unattended on a table. That stuff usually never happens. The biggest joke of the night is on any of the few people that took something of ours and didn,t throw it away. All of the dumb CDs come with a nifty little piece of dirty paper with this directions on how to get to Bline Zogazine scribbled on it. God forbid any poor kid looks at this thing. Jesus Christ. Sorry dude. I hope you stopped reading a while ago.

Motohiro Nakashima - We Hum On The Way Home
The original plan was to get into fights with all of the other bands because they are so nice. That didn,t really pan out that well because we only had so many free drink tickets and apparently the beer tasted like soap. I ate a little bit of pizza though. It wasn,t that good. It never is there. The crust tastes a lot like our bathmat probably does right now. We just had a big hole in our ceiling above our shower fixed and there is a bunch of something on the bathmat. I can,t think of the word. What do people put on ceilings when they fix a big hole? Glue? White glue? So the pizza crust tastes like wet feet and white putty glue and carpet. Not that great for a pizza. Not even really that great for a bathmat.

You know what kind of pizza I like? Good pizza. Delicious pizza. Pizza with cheese and other things. That is my kind of pizza. I like that pizza that comes with the little pepper on the side. That,s a good one. I don,t get that kind very often though because they aren,t close enough to me and there is no way I am paying some delivery jerk to drive nine minutes while listening to Lil Wayne.

If it were up to me, I would replace all delivery drivers with hogs. Drugged hogs waddling through the streets, smashing their fat guts into the sides of cars, defecating in a child,s stroller, eating rabbits, carrying our pizzas on their backs using some sort of harness system. They would be highly trained and de-toothed so they couldn,t bite people but could still catch and mash up the wild rabbits that are taking over this town. Pizzas would take days to get delivered rather than minutes. Hogs would be our country,s national heroes. They should really be taken more seriously when it comes to their potential as works beasts.