I went on a weird trip the other day. I went halfway up Oregon and then turned around and came home. I didn,t mean to go to Oregon. I don,t really care about that place. I meant to go to Wyoming because I like to pretend that I,m a cowboy because I listen to country music sometimes and Wyoming used to be called ,,The Cowboy State,,. Now it,s called ,,The Equality State,, which is fitting because that kid was tied to a fence and beaten to death there in the nineties because some hicks thought being gay was dumb. They are the dumb ones. Being gay is cool. I,m joking. It,s not cool. It,s as stupid as being anything else.
Oregon was alright. I ate some dust covered berries. They were growing next to the road and I just couldn,t help myself. They tasted fine but they were weird to eat because they were cooked by the sun. I had never eaten a hot berry before. It was very sensual and I don,t think I was in any sort of mood for anything sensual at that time. I also got some hose water from a blue Catholic church. That was nice of the good Lord and his hose. There were two wastoids watching me while I got my water. I knew that there were two of them but could only see one because they were sort of trying to hide. I overheard them mumbling and burping at each other incoherently until one of them shouted, ,,Old Hickory! He had wooden hands. He had wooden hands. He,s the guy. ,Don,t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!, That was a long time ago,,.
Later, I bought small tub of pasta salad without thinking things through (alliteration). The small tub ended up being gigantic in the hot August sun. I also learned that mayonnaise is not a great breakfast when you don,t like mayonnaise. It was nice wasting two thirds of it but I figured my body would thank me for throwing away two dollars worth of slop rather than subjecting my bowels to howling diarrhea and anal sweats. I ate some French fries later and those were fine.
I spent much of the trip falling asleep whenever I wanted. I stayed up the whole night before and was in a constant state of near-collapse from exhaustion. It was weird being able to immediately fall asleep in an instant. I have never enjoyed that luxury before. I usually have to think thoughts before I can fall asleep. Not this time. I just had to decide that I would sleep and in under a minute I would be having hunger induced night terrors. I would later wake up confused and disoriented. I would not know where I was and my head would itch and I would be convinced that I had lice.
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