Staying Up Late And Watching Television Can Be Fun

Webster,s Dictionary defines the ,,D.M.V.,, as a zone which has been demilitarized. Webster,s Dictionary defines ,,demilitarize,, as the act of dissolving or making the army invisible or at least the army men much smaller. Webster,s Dictionary defines ,,or,, as a thing that means a paddle for a boat or something. The moral of these definitions is that I went to the D.M.V. earlier today.

What if somebody put out a really nice looking dictionary in which about thirty percent of the definitions were wrong? It would be marketed as a normal dictionary but it would be in the fiction section of bookstores and libraries. It looks like I just thought of my next project. I'm going to call it Webster Dictionary and use the same fonts and colors they use.

Guess what kind of people were at the D.M.V. Great people were at the D.M.V. I wasn,t there long so I probably missed it, but I did not get to see any surly black dudes listening to distorted music on the speaker of the phone that they procured (and will undoubtedly later try and sell) on some form of public transportation. They are a cornerstone of any mandatory mass gathering of people. I did, however get to see a floppy Hispanic girl covering her mouth with a piece of paper while asking somebody on the cellular phone she was trying to hide, ,,So, does like up mean right? Like, if you put your arm up that means right?,, as she was in line to take the written portion of her driving examination.

Hella - Tripper
My favorite character of the morning was a horrendous beast of burden. She was dressed how she imagined a raver would dress without ever having seen one herself. She looked fifty but smoking ice and sniffing crushed up Xanax can age you pretty rapidly so I can,t be sure of her age. She was a rough cut of meat though. She wore beautiful blue lipstick completely encircling her unevenly dilated eyes. She kept quickly looking up as high as she could without moving her head. The action seemed as if it was done against her will and caused her pain. She barked gravelly words that were often in English but were sometimes monosyllabic tones. She acted as if these tones were words but there is no way that it was any kind of formal language. She knew that. She was probably just too embarrassed to admit it.

She told some woman that she planned on looking beautiful for her driver's license picture and that she hasn't had a picture of herself with black hair since she was nineteen. She then asked the woman how long ago that was. I hope she somehow passed the driving portion of the examination while being completely intoxicated. She grabbed another woman that was walking near her and shouted, ,,Baby! Baby! Baby!,, because the poor girl was holding an infant. She then hugged the frightened Mexican and kissed the small child,s face, leaving it to live the rest of its life with several surely-incurable diseases.