Soft Damage

I have spent way too much time at the DMV lately. I,ve been there twice in the past week and let me just say, it is exactly as terrible and gross as television shows make it seem. It,s the one thing that fiction doesn,t exaggerate. It,s awful and everybody knows it and TV shows pay homage to its unending depravity. It is always the temperature of gross soup and everything is sticky like somebody spilled gross soup on it and everybody there smells like gross soup. Also, it,s really crowded.

Luckily, I don,t think I,ll have to go back there for a long time. I paid my dues. I was worried that when I was there, they would notice that I have had the same picture on my driver,s license since I was fifteen and they would make me take a new picture. I want to keep that picture on there until I,m dead. I look so tan. They didn,t notice the picture, though. If they did notice, they definitely didn,t care. Maybe I still look exactly how I did when I was fifteen and they thought it was a recent picture. The world will never know.

Drake - If You,re Reading This It,s Too Late My hands and forearms are all cut up because I spent all day yesterday clumsily ripping out the old, dumb stereo in my new, gigantic van. It would have probably been pretty easy if I had known what I was doing, but that,s just not how things went down. I haphazardly jammed my appendages into dark holes and yanked and shoved things as hard as I could until the old stereo was out and the new one was in. It was a job that should have taken twenty minutes, but it took my weak, unskilled hands several hours.

I do feel a very slight, annoying sense of satisfaction at having done all of that by myself, though. The van still starts so I didn,t do that bad of a job. Sure, I cut every corner possible and I used parts in ways which they were not designed, but that,s not the point. The point is that it looks like some wild beast of burden tried to eat my arms and I can now listen to music that isn,t the radio while driving recklessly across this great nation.