Back

I finally got into a car accident the other day. It wasn,t that fun. It wasn,t that fun because I,ll probably have to buy a new car even sooner than I thought because of it and I,ll probably have to pay more for insurance every six months. Also, the inside of my car is now filling up with what smells like poisonous gas every time I drive anywhere. Maybe I,ll just drive my car into a river and get a moped. That seems like the sensible thing to do.

I think the car accident was my punishment for being so gluttonous during Thanksgiving. The punishment fit the crime. I will continue to be a hog and I will continue to smash into cars that don,t belong to me. That is the circle of life and I have no intention of deviating.

Floating Points - Elaenia To celebrate my misfortune, I have been spending an incredible amount of money the past few days. Christmas will be here in just a few short weeks and it,s my job to trick everybody I know into talking to me for another year so I have to buy them things and things cost so much money. I figure that I might as well spend it now before I have to empty my bank account when my insurance goes up.

To celebrate even more, I think I,m going to buy a real, old fashioned Christmas style tree and watch it die in my living room over the next month. That sounds fun. Hopefully it,ll be carrying a bunch of spider nests and the thousands of eggs will hatch just in time to ruin the world,s most famous birthday.