The other day, somebody poured a bunch of coffee on my computer. Now my screen looks like it did after I had bad aim while watching Japanese eel porn and my space bar sticks just like it did that time I had bad aim while watching that Japanese sea cucumber porn. What,s with Japan? They always have the best ideas.
The biggest bummer of this terrible April Fool,s prank is that I hate coffee. I especially hate coffee that smells like it has a bunch of sugared honey in it. And this was just the kind that is now attracting ants to the sweet, sticky keys.
Pocahaunted - Beast That You Are
I never understood the whole coffee culture thing. There are people that dork out so hard on their favorite fair trade only, organic roast, native Himalayan grown, peasant harvested, Portland imported coffee shop in town. They refuse to go to other stupid places because the black poison there isn,t organic enough or they read a report on DrinkCoffeeDontRape.com that said the beans they use there may have been grown in a field within eight miles of a different field that used fertilizer from cows that may not have been free range. And to think that the caramelly mess that makes it difficult for me to have spaces in between words may have been from one of those terrible places makes me shudder in complete horror.
There should only be two things to drink - water or dirty water. Then everybody would quit holding up those stupid signs that say how Starbucks throws boiling coffee on the five-year-olds that pull the thorny coffee vines out of the ground for nine cents an hour. And then a volcano erupts on them.
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