Little Balls Of Fury

I think somebody tried to, or is in the process of trying to, poison me. Everybody knows that I love a good tomato. They are great. But, this information may have slipped into the wrong hands. A little while ago I found a bag of tomatoes hanging from my apartment doorknob. Strange. Most of them looked alright. A couple of them looked like somebody had used them as a pencil sharpener and it was obvious that they weren,t the dumb store-style tomates. They were all weird sized and ugly. Usually I would jump at the opportunity to snack from a mystical Horn of Plenty. This time however, I stopped myself from grabbing those red eggs and mashing them into my ugly face.

A long time ago a little nutcase gave me a giant tomato and then proceeded to be a little nutcase; getting nuttier with everyday, nutting throughout life much like the angry opossums that live in my yard. The nutter has now reached a new apex of nuttiness; scaring me to the point where I won,t eat free food. A horrible thing to admit. But, it,s better to be alive and hungry than killed by a wrinkled tomato that was filled with bleach and Gila Monster poison. So I took that bag and emptied it out for the angry opossum family to enjoy. The cycle of life, you know.

Tera Melos - Idioms Volume 1
After I didn,t eat those tomatoes I drove to Smokeland because my Death Cab For Cutie cover band was scheduled to play a nice, cozy metal show at some hippy cafe. As to be expected, nobody cared that we played. Smokeland is riddled with horrible, horrible creatures. Many of them were swarming around the cafe trying to sell us chains for two dollars and just generally harass us. The most grotesque of them all stumbled in while one of the metal bands was setting up and proceeded to mumble gibberish and demand that some poor girl take her picture several times. Of course when they started chugging out their songs the walking abortion got really close to the singer, like kissing close, and drooled nonsense at him, snatching at the microphone and stomping her one good leg all the while. I think they ended up ,,hooking up,, that night in the bathroom next to the guy that was doing rails of what we all though was coke but was probably Mexican corn flour mixed with lighter fluid. Our best show yet.