The Proudest Liar

I have been driving way too much lately. Yesterday I drove over three hundred miles. What a jerk I am. I have no respect for the environment. I had to drive to San Francisco really, really early in the morning to do some stuff that wasn,t fun. Then I had to drive to the mountains to hang out with my Death Cab For Cutie cover band and pretend to play music. I don,t know why we keep doing that. All we do when we get together is 4:20.

A friend just came and hung out with me for a bit. All we did was eat. She had never been around here so I forced her to eat all of the local cuisine. Remember Kid Cuisine frozen dinners? My dad used to get those for my brother and me when we were (alliteration) younger sometimes. Mostly we ate steak though. My dad sure loves steak. I remember one of the desserts in the Kid Cuisines was a weird mashed apple with cinnamon. It wasn,t applesauce. It was like somebody took a small piece of bad apple pie and mashed it through their fingers as a joke. Well the joke sure was on me.

David E. Sugar - Memory Store
My friend played a strange joke on me right before she left. She left weird things around my apartment for me to find. She left a bunch of burnt cookies on the stove, a broken electrical cord under a table, soiled jeans in a corner, a nickle in the doorway, and dandruff all over the couch. She is pretty smart so I bet this is one of those intellectual jokes that I usually don,t understand. It,s probably a riddle about consumerism or something.

I want to cut my hair. I don,t know how to do it myself and I am not going to pay anybody to do it for me so my head will probably end up looking like a strip of infant rats live on it. I need to make myself look uglier anyways. I don,t get enough attention looking as average as I do. I want people to gasp in horror and delight when they see me. I want strangers to shake my hand and congratulate me for surviving to my age because they will assume that I have some horrible disease because of the way I look. If Martin Luther King Jr. can have a dream, I can have one too.