She Did Not Do That

My only goal last year was to write at least four articles on here each month. I ruined that in the first month and then tried to make up for it by being extra long-winded and boring. I succeeded at that. I don,t know what the goal should be for this year. Maybe I,ll try to write something interesting. I will give myself one whole year to write one interesting thing. It doesn,t even need to be an interesting story. It can be an interesting sentence. It can be an interesting word.

I was just in the desert for a few days. It smelled like fish and salt and Asian tourists and campfires and tents blowing into the highway. It was a pretty good experience. The second night there, there was a giant wind storm and the the tent blew over so I had to sleep in the car and watch embers from the fire blow passed me like golden bullets. Then it rained. Then I woke up really early and tried to fold up the tent but that didn,t work. Then I left.

The best part of the trip was seeing a gas station that was charging $4.45 per gallon when I bought gas earlier that day for $3.15 per gallon. I wanted to stop there and buy gas just so I could be taken advantage of. If I had a gas station in the desert I would never charge less than ten dollars per gallon and there would be a bunch of hidden fees like buzzard fees, beetle fees, heat fees, etc.

Iris DeMent - My Life
The whole time I was in the desert I was pretending to be in that episode of The Magic School Bus where they go to the desert to help fight desert scarcity. They formed a commission called Students Against Desert Scarcity or S.A.D.S. The lesson that they learned was that all the things living in the desert don,t need help because they have adapted to living in such a horrible place. I saw one creature there that was not so lucky, however. It was a young Asian woman walking in muddy salt wearing brown heels and a white sweater. She was probably a bitch and I wish she would have tripped and fell.

I tasted some of the world famous Low Salt there and it was pretty good. It looked weird and was probably close to being toxic but I would put it on my noodles if I had some at home. All I ate while I was there was stale bread and soup. I even started my own fire like a big boy. The people in the spot next mine made me look bad because they chopped their own wood and rode motorcycles and had a fancy tent that didn,t blow over and they knew what they were doing. The girl I was with ended up sleeping in their tent.