New Hat

Last night I went to a show at some fancy place in San Francisco. I knew it was going to be fancy before I even got there because it was alright for me to get there late. That usually means it,s a real cool spot to be. I showed up almost two hours after the doors opened and I was still one of the first people there. I guess I,m not so great after all. Oh well.

It was the first time I had ever been to see a show like this so I didn,t really know what to expect except two French dudes yelling and drinking champagne. The people there were cartoon characters. All of the people you would expect to see in a Where,s Waldo that takes place in a rave or rich bitch bar were drawn into real life.

Tommy McCook And The Supersonics - Down On Bond Street
There was the skinny white guy with really long earthworm dreadlocks that smelled like a gutter right after rain. He made me feel so uncomfortable I moved my wallet to my front pocket. There were the ubiquitous girls soured up with perfume, grinding their dumpers on whatever would push back. There was the girl sitting on the cum couch with knee-high, white vinyl boots, talking to her friend about how boring the blow was she just bumped in the bathroom. And the middle aged bodybuilder who came out to blow off steam and knock a bunch of drinks all over everything electronic because he was just ,,too into it,, to pay attention to anything but the guy,s ass he was fingering.

I hated them all. Some disease of a woman blasted baby powder everywhere so I had to breathe that in for a while. Now my lungs are too smooth to collect oxygen. There was also a dance battle which my friend referred to as a rap battle. The highlight of the evening was either finding fifteen fliers mashed onto the car,s windshield, mirrors, and windows when we left or, making up our own dance moves that mimicked the normal stuff we do everyday. A few of the hottest moves that we previewed last night included - driving a car, cutting bread, cutting a tomato, listening to the radio, and a squid swimming. I think I was the only person there with earplugs in.