Buying An Old Paint Shop

Last night I went grocery shopping at midnight. It was Friday. That meant that the only other people there besides my friend and I were the horrible, middle-aged creatures that were refilling on bottom shelf tequila and Weight Watcher 100 Calorie Packs of cookies. They were beasts; women with blotchy tanned legs sticking out of their terrycloth anal floss, screaming at the tops of their lungs about how Deborah was so drunk that she fell on a pile of bananas and is now bleeding. I hope Deborah is driving you all to the next bar, you pigs. They had all the ingredients for a night of bloody diarrhea, I can tell you that. I,ll have to check the obituaries for them this week.

So Percussion And Matmos - Treasure State
I spotted two amazing gems checking out pizza in the frozen food isle, specifically, the pizza section. He was a hulking, sweaty lower echelon covered in faded tattoos of stars and naked women and weird dermal piercings on his face that looked like a beetle was laying eggs on him covered in a mix of skintight Ed Hardy, Nor Cal and Tapout clothing. She was a 39 year old rape victim with platform sandals, peroxide extensions falling off of her head, and a super cute ankle tattoo of tweety bird or Taz or something. She also had wobbly, tanned skin and a mutant mouth slathered in fuchsia gloss and infected piercings.

They were meant for each other. I wish I had a picture of them so bad. Just imagine any porn star after a car wreck accompanied by the guy that takes most of her money and hits her regularly. But that doesn,t do them justice. They were gods. They were so much better than gods. I just wanted to follow them around and hear the cultured conversation they were sure to have. Discussions about what kind of vodka gets you drunk faster, how glad they were they gave up all three kids to adoption so they could ,,stay young,,, how much more money they have to save to have enough for her second breast enhancement, and how the new kid at the board shop keeps making him look bad because he is friendlier and sells more and is 18 years younger.