The First Day Of Summear

I saw part of some thing on the news the other night about how this is going to be the Summer Of Spiders. I say ,,part of,, because for most of the story, the television was muted and I was watching some rap video or something on my dumb computer. Everybody at my house has a white computer. I think the spider thing was supposed to be funny because the camera operator kept holding a big rubber spider in the bottom of the frame way too close to the camera so it was very out of focus and just looked like a handful of old spaghetti. The Italian spider and the fact that I wasn,t really sure what the story was about left me very bewildered.

I guess the news joker was right, though. I have already walked into a bunch of spiderwebs today. Most of them hitting me squarely in the the mouth, eyes, or throat. Each time I fall into another spider,s trap, I flail and wiggle around violently, sure that there is at least one family of spiders now setting up shop in my hair. I wonder if the spiders put the webs in front of my door or sidewalk on purpose because they know that they are tougher than me and could easily either kill me and devour my fragile body in a matter of hours or colonize the land that is my pallid skin and use me as a brainless host; dictating my movements and commanding me to rape again and again.

Coldplay - Trouble Norwegian Live EP
That would be the perfect crime. Being infected by a spider-virus and being controlled to do something ,,against,, my will. I would be called the Black Window Raper because I would only seek out elderly, windowed African women. When my spider business was finished, I would slash a hearty hourglass of flesh from their swollen bellies. This is what the real Spiderman was based on. I think this really happened in Moscow in the twenties.

The last time I used the word Summear I provided all of you with soft-core pornography of a girl I went to school with. Scour as I might, I came up short this solstice. Hopefully you,ll forgive me and go act out your own spider fantasy. Make them pay for what they have done.