We Are Having Pig Pot For Dinner

Last night I went to a pretty tough show. I saw the Baines play at a horrible, horrible place. It really is horrible. I did get a few surprises though. I had no idea that The Bainiacs were all 48 years old with big earrings that looked like they weighed a lot and pulled their lobes down. That singer was a horrific ghoul of a man. His nose looked like it was made out of white hamburger meat. He did have some good dance moves though. He spent most of his time on stage alternating between yelling and doing that move that kids do when they are imitating a ballerina. You know, arching one hand over their head and pointing their finger at their skull and with the other arm arched to their waist and spinning. What is that move called? Hold on. Apparently that move doesn,t exist because I just looked for over 40 seconds to try and find it but I couldn,t. The closest thing I could find is called a Chaînés Turn but the only similarity is that it involves spinning and ballerinas.

I planned on keeping a running tally of how many pairs of mesh jersey shorts I saw last night but nobody was wearing any. Ultimate Bummer. The only ones that I saw were being carried in by the Bane-ana Splits merch guy. They sell shorts. Just like they do at the Bane-ana Republic. I did see a lot of fitted hats and black shirts and tattoos though. And a lot of blood from when this tiny, little girl got smashed in the face by the football team that jumped on her when she was trying to passion her way to the front to sing her favorite meaningful lyric about sadness and love.

Growing - His Return
I don,t really understand tattoos. It seems like everybody had them on their legs last night. They were mostly birds or horses or knives or bible verses. Don,t get me wrong, tattoos of skulls and snakes and flames and more skulls and lizards are cool but some stuff that I see is way over my head. That deep quote from your favorite Chuck Palahniuk book (the only one you ever started to read and you even almost finished) tattooed in fancy cursive above your lopsided, stretch marked gig-bags is only going to attract people that like that sort of thing. Who would want that? Is that why people get tattoos you think? To attract people that like tattoos? That,s weird. I bet that,s the reason behind it most of the time. That topic will probably be covered in some teen drama pretty soon. Hopefully it,ll be Degrassi. Manny will probably fall back in love with Craig and the only way to win him back will be to get a tattoo on her crotch that says, ,,Burn Ward,, above a portrait of Duke Nukem. But then J.T. will visit her from beyond the grave in a dream and tell her that she doesn,t have to change herself to impress anybody, she is perfect just the way she is.

See, there is all that schooling I went through put to good use. I just wrote my first episode of a television show that used to be cool but now it sucks and nobody reads this.